Recognized

Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:26:36 -0400

I studied the media in my collage. I knew this would happened, and I was ready for it. As much as person can be.

While walking in the crowd in the Pride parade, I was filmed by television cameras and my face was in every news in the country. As soon as my brother saw that, he called me, telling me that if I ever come back home, all bones in my body will be broken. I still believe that he didn’t mean it, and threat was his first reaction after fear. But i didn’t go home, nor I will until he call me to apologize. He erased me from friends on Facebook. He is not the only one. I have lost at least 30 of them for less than 2 days. And I was choosing my friends based on freedom of the mind (?!).

And last night i got my first fake-friend invitation. I heard that fascistic organisations here have people making fake profiles to get close to you and to get you to meet them. Its not hard to recognize such fake profile if you have at least one decent braincell. But I never believed that I would be their target.

Now, all people who know me, recognized me from the news. For most of them, it made talking to me uncomfortable. But now I know I have been targeted.

Since I couldn’t go home, I stayed with the friend, and had few friends giving me basic things to survive. I had to buy a new coat, and to change my hair color. This is not game any more. But I try not to fear.

Its been 48 hours, and i feel like a fugitive. I have no money because I have spent my entire paycheck to by food and some small things for my family, and I cant go there even to pick up my stuff. I wont even go to how unfair they turned out to be.

I spoke to my parents yesterday. They are mad at me, but they still want me there. However, against my brothers rage, they are powerless.

For such a short time I got tired from answering the question. “Why did you do that?”. And I am trying to explain that I believe in free and equal societies, but I would rather ask: “Why didn’t you do it as well?”.

On the other hand, I made trouble to my family, because I’m sure that they have been targeted as well. And I love them, and fear for them. But those where the people who thought me the difference between right and wrong, to strive to do only good, to defend weaker if I’m able to, and never to give up my beliefs.

Now, they are ashamed of me. And I am ashamed of that fact. They gave up on fighting to stay righteous. Instead of saying to people that they believe that people are equal, they are explaining how I just support gay people, but I’m not gay. They call me young and silly. My mother prolonged her sic leave from work, because she is to ashamed to go there and say: “Yes, that was my daughter.”.

And I just support gay rights in Serbia. Can you imagine how it must be here to come out of the closet?

But only those who know me really well are sure that I’m not lesbian. The rest of the people simply cant imagine str8 people to support gay event. And they recognized me as the enemy.

Today, I’m fighting this sentence. I was recognized. Not for what I am, nor for what people here should evolve to, but for creature painted in all colors of prejudices.

Walk over my life

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 02:23:27 -0400

I am a 23 years old heterosexual female, who took the walk at the Pride parade in Belgrade, Serbia yesterday. I did it because I believe that no person in this world should be discriminated. I did it because between 50 and 60% of people in my country publicly, and loudly clams the opposite, and the most of the rest of them share the same opinion, only they are too afraid of being considered “not urban”.

There are only few people I know who have clear understanding of human rights, and had adopted them. There was only one of them who walked with me yesterday, as I was walking towards my Beliefs, and over my broken life I gave up at that moment.

Just few hours later, surviving sneaking out of group that took that walk, passing trough the madness of hooligan, police, and teargas, I got phone call. It was my big brother who saw me at the television, along whit the res of the Serbia. He told me… Well, I love him, and wouldn’t repeat what he told me, but the outcome was that I cant go home. Not even to pick up my things. After that it started. My friends ignored my Facebook chats, and I have lost everything, but the trainee position at small shop - contract that expires in 30 days, and wont be renewed.

My face was in all news yesterday, and even though I hoped i wont be on television, people are recognizing me on the street. I have no idea what will I do. I’m settled only for few days, and after that ill have no money, no place to stay, and no one to talk to in my hometown.

But I’m determined more than ever not to give up on fighting for freedom to all people, no mater what.

Here, Ill talk about it. I don’t know what to say yet. Every minute is changing my life more than I could ever imagine.

I know that what happened yesterday was politically and media constructed. And I will talk about it, but not now, when everyone has something to say. I will talk about it my whole life.

Now, I just need to know that I am not alone in this fight, and hope to get just few likes here, to drive me now when my engines are broken.

Thank you…

Riots - after

Recognized

Walk over my life